Week 13 - Unmet Needs

Hello and welcome to another week of making your goals and dreams come true. Last week we talked about beliefs and hopefully you revised a few of yours. This week we will talk about unmet needs and how they can prevent success.

Most of us are familiar with our basic needs which are things like food, water, shelter and safety. An unmet need will demand action to satisfy the need. A met need requires no action and usually you will not even think about a need when it is met.

There are other types of needs and these vary from person to person. For example; some people need to be the center of attention, some people need beauty in their life, others need adventure and others need stability.

Understanding your needs will help you to satisfy them in a way that is in alignment with your goal. If you do not do this you may find you are getting frustrated because you never seem to get the outcomes that you desire. Here are some examples:

-Let's say you are a person that needs to be the center of attention and your goal is to get a promotion. Your attention getting actions may be creating a perception that you are 'the class clown' and this may not be what your boss is looking for from higher level staff.
-If you require beauty or adventure in your life then it could be you spend significant amounts of time or money on satisfying these needs. A goal of saving money or financial security could be more challenging. And if you are spending your spare time with these needs you may believe you do not have time for your goal and put it off altogether.
-If you require stability you could be missing out on opportunities that come your way.

The Challenge:
1) Create a list of your needs and how you satisfy them; or the action. (e.g., Attention = making people laugh, dressing to stand out. Beauty = makeup, clothing, home decorating, walks in nature. Stability = staying in a job/relationship I don't love.)
2) Scan your list to see if any of the actions related to the needs are in conflict with your goal.
3) Write down a description of how that action may be sabotaging your goal (e.g., Attention = making people laugh at work - This may be a distraction that limits productivity and prevents me from being perceived as a leader).
4) Come up with a new way to satisfy that need (e.g., Attention = making people laugh at work - This may be a distraction that limits productivity and prevents me from being perceived as a leader. Instead I will join a local Improv group.)

What I'm working on:
I have a need to help out. If you are familiar with the Enneagram Personality Profile I am #2 - Giver. There are lots of positives but this can lead me to what I now know to be as interfering. I have learned as a coach that sometimes it is best not to jump in to assist; a persons growth comes from their experience. This has helped me to be more careful when I interact with others. The need to help out can sabotage my goals because if I feel someone needs me I will drop everything to help them. Again - that can be a good thing in many situations but not always. I have to ask - am I helping or interfering and go from there. I've learned to ask if they want help vs. assuming they do and I have learned that listening is sometimes the greatest gift any of us can give of ourselves.